January 2011
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i just made an appointment to do a new member...
What their website says will happen: “This free assessment will provide you with a baseline measurement of where your fitness level is now. Evaluations will include: cardiovascular efficiency, muscular strength, endurance, flexibility, as well as measurements of height, weight, resting heart rate, blood pressure and percent body fat. Participating members will be provided with a...
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on dating someone who's never been around a cat
rob: i think something might be wrong with wicky. when he licked my hand the other night, his tongue was all scratchy.
me:
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can i get an amen?
is there anything worse (ANYTHING WORSE) than the “haha.” response?
Haha + a period = a) you are being passive aggressive, or b) you thought there was nothing remotely funny about what i just wrote but you feel obligated to respond, or c) both
i know that i tend to read too much into things (understandment of the century), so i need some perspective here.
what do you think about the...
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we’ve spent the past 30 minutes hurling the most obscene insults we can think of to one another via this website.
i have not laughed this hard in a very long time. i just went to the bathroom (because i literally almost just peed my pants) and there were streams of mascara running down my face because i cry-laughed so much.
there is nothing funnier to me than hearing a detached, automated...
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(i tried to post this last night, but tumblr wouldn’t let me! so here my outdated and now irrelevant response)
(seriously though if you see a crazy medical oddity show/a show about super obese people/any sort of show about weird things…LET ME KNOW SO I CAN FIND IT)
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tuesday night
sitting side by side on the couch in our jammies, both of us on our laptops…him doing normal internet things and me googling things “why am i so cranky” and resisting the urge to scream YOU’RE BREATHING TOO LOUD STOP BREATHING.
i’m such a catch. really.
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“Your knowledge of the internet both frightens and excites me.”
– in an email i just got from ashley.
i’m gonna take it as a compliment.
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i'm meeting his parents today for the first time
goals:
don’t be too awkward
make a good impression
use impeccable table manners
only bring up appropriate topics of conversation
DON’T BLOW IT
you know how sometimes you can focus so much on not doing something that you can’t help but to do it? that’s meeeeeeeeeee!!
“Maybe adulthood isn’t about running away from family, but accepting that they...”
– All things Alishan: tl: dr emotions edition
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(please don't judge my career goals)
i would just like to state for the record that the debates about immigration laws have seriously hampered the ability to search for jobs working with aliens.
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Queen — You’re My Best Friend
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just found out i can get a PhD in culinary arts...
i really just want people to call me doctor. that’s all.
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hrrrrrrrnnnngggggghhh
wet cats
not QUITE as much of a pick-me-up as shaved cats, but they’ll do. they’ll do just fine.
again, i must implore you to do this with safe search on….trust me.
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here's something weird
did you know that if you take the last 2 digits of your birth year, and add the age that you will be this year, you get 111?
i don’t know why this is weirding me out so much, but it is!! plus, this year we’ll have 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11….
ones ones ones ones ones ones ones everybody! (everything is more fun if you can find a way to talk about it in a lil jon...
the "fart for free" app is ruining my life.
you all don’t know what it’s like. you don’t know what i’m going through. every once in awhile i’ll start to relax and believe he’s over it, that he no longer finds it funny, that no more silences will be broken by the sound of an extremely loud and drawn out fart.
then we’re sitting on the couch, side-by-side, him watching basketball and me fooling...
things about appearing on jeopardy that give me...
THE STORY. I’m a terrible (TERRIBLE) and super awkward story teller in real life. Beyond the anxiety of picking out what short, funny story about my life I want to share with THE WORLD, I know that I’d never be able to deliver it. And the thought of disappointing Alex Trebek with a poorly-told, half-finished story brings me so much shame I want to cry. I don’t suppose...
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Mary Anne does not know how to use the Internet. →
sarahb:
I love these.
this is so great.
long story short: i might be dying. or maybe...
last night i was cooking dinner (potstickers, yum!) and since one thing came off the stove before the rest of the meal, i stuck it in the microwave and ran it for a few seconds to keep it warm.
when dinner was finished, i opened the microwave to get it and noticed navy blue liquid pooling on the edge of the plate. then i realized that the roof of the microwave was dripping this weird,...
high points of my holiday weekend
yesterday we woke up, walked out to the couch, and proceeded to watch 7+ hours of breaking bad…IN A ROW. the entire first season. awesome.
french fries for breakfast. enough said.
on saturday night i had a dream that i was in a rap battle and i won (prizes AND street cred) by throwing down the line “you look like such a skank i’m gonna put it in my spank bank!” and it...
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“We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat...”
– President Obama
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if you're ever feeling sad and need some cheering...
case in point:
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in which i realize i am turning into an old lady
After seeing the millionth preview for Skins, I caught myself saying that I’m really appalled by the concept of glamourizing drug use, underage drinking, and rampant promiscuity to teenagers — I mean it’s supposed to be set in high school, right? And every preview I’ve seen involves smoking/snorting/pill-popping of some sort, all presented in a way that makes it look...
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Even though I’ve been out of high school for almost nine years (OH GOD HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE), I continue to watch the snow day closings on the morning news and wait for my school to show up. Whenever I see it crawl across the bottom of the screen, I still get a little thrill.
And then I remember that I’m an adult now and NOTHING FUN HAPPENS TO ME ANYMORE.
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super-michael asked: About all these dead birds: What if these are somehow presents from thousands of cats? You know how cats are about dead animals.
teddy-br0osevelt asked: In reference to your arabic copy of Harry Potter, do you speak arabic? or no?